It is sunny, and warm, and the first day of spring, and I got VACCINATED! Whoo hoo! It has been a long year full of worry and isolation. It feels so good to know that there is hope for the future!
I have the nicest friends in the world. In case anyone was wondering. I have been mostly out of school this whole week, going in just a little bit some days (foster care reasons) and each time I go in I find a new little note on my desk. ❤❤ Here are just a few of the sweet, supportive notes:
She said she might so Eve and I bought candy last week — just in case. :) Today she did and we had so much fun decorating it!
I have the best friends. Have I mentioned that already? :)
We are starting to feel a little Christmasy here.
Sounds sexy, eh?! Last Friday I went in for another surgery (procedure?) to clear the scar tissue building up in my trachea. This is my fourth time (first, second, third) and this time my ENT sent me to Boston where they do the procedure a little differently. Alan and I went down late Thursday night, stayed in an scary-seeming-but-actually-pretty-cool hotel for a short night’s sleep, then up early for a 5:45am check-in at the hospital. The surgery went well, lots of Covid precautions and nice medical people taking care of me. Apparently they gave me some good drugs (or else I was very tired, which is equally likely!) because I slept for a good long time after the surgery. The post-op nurse joked that she was given the sleepy girls that day. Me and a child who was there because she got an earring stuck all the way IN her ear canal! We both enjoyed our long naps. :)
They still don’t know what is causing this problem and have officially diagnosed it as “idiopathic” which is med-speak for *shrug*. I’m still on the reflux meds, but apparently that’s not the problem. I tried cutting out caffeine, reflux-inducing foods, and alcohol, but the problem keeps coming back anyway. I joined a gym back in March, after the last surgery, but then Covid shut down the world. :/ I will keep trying to figure it out. This Boston ENT does a procedure that includes a steroid injection during the procedure and potentially follow-up injections with the goal of delaying the recurrence. He says it won’t “cure” the problem, but it hopefully will give me more time between buildups. *hopefully*
We got home Friday afternoon and I worked really hard to “rest my voice” and not talk. I’m not great at that! Especially when my sister and parents are hanging out with me after a long Covid separation! 💗 I am enjoying my week at home with my kiddos. I’m technically working from home, so the three of us have a mishmash of meetings and activities to do online, and Lex going into school every other day. It has been nice.
The recovery process has been a little different this time around. The throat-clearing cough that is a clear sign of the scar tissue building up usually goes away right after surgery, but this time it’s stuck around for awhile. Coughing, of course, hinders the healing in my trachea, so I try hard not to give in to that throat tingle the begs to be cleared. Lots of water and herbal tea. I was getting worried around Wednesday when my throat was still very sore and the cough was still present, but Thursday and now Friday have been better. I decided to get another Covid test today before going back to school on Monday. I went at 11am today and got results at 5:52pm! So quick. And NEGATIVE! I feel much better about returning to school next week, but not yet. First we get the weekend. :)
- Huxley is finally heartworm free!!
- I am so tired these days.
- Can it please, please, PLEASE be November so we can get 45 out of office! My brain can’t handle it.
- Someone held a wedding at the Woodstock Inn and no one wore masks! C’mon people! My guess is that it’s an out-of-town couple who came to safe Vermont for a nice normal wedding. 😡
- 😡 is my most frequently used emoji these days.
- It turns out it’s really hard to get a Covid test if you are asymptomatic.
- I need to step away. Sigh.
Every year in the spring teachers in the building nominate someone for Teacher of the Year. We all have a chance to nominate, then there is a vote, then the winner is announced at the District-wide Back-to-School Breakfast at the beginning of the year.
This year, Covid-19 hit and all norms went right out the window! I maybe thought about Teacher of the Year briefly when I realized we weren’t doing the District Breakfast, but that was about it. I assumed we were not doing it this year due to Covid. There is A LOT we are not doing this year because of Covid! But you know what they say about assuming…
At our first official staff meeting, held virtually, of course, the principal announced the two longevity awards (for teachers who have been in the district for a long time) and then said this: Video
I had no idea! If I even suspected, I would have done my hair and not been eating an apple! :) The one day I woke up late, threw my hair in a ponytail, and tossed some random foods in my lunch box… turns out to be the day the whole school is looking at me! LOL.
Later in the evening I logged into the high school performing arts department’s Welcome Back zoom meeting for parents and students. When the music teachers pulled up the website to show parents, they also gave me a shout-out for all the work I’ve done on it and how awesome it is.
I work hard, for sure, and I never feel taken advantage of, but it is pretty nice to get the accolades! And the plaque!
We are exactly four weeks out from when I’m supposed to start back at school and five weeks until the kids’ official first day back. Assuming nothing changes. In a normal year I would be making plans, we would be checking school supply lists and back to school shopping, I’d be writing lesson plans and we would be trying to cram as much fun into the remaining few weeks. And by “fun” I mean relaxation! :)
This year is a big who knows! I’ve been reading the articles online, listening to the news, talking to my teacher colleagues, and trying to find the balance between relaxation and panic. Panic! Not even taking it account politics and racial tensions, back to school planning is overwhelming.
For my entire life as a parent, I have put the needs of my own kids first. I have done everything I could to make sure they are supported and cared for. I left a high paying job to be home with them. I got into teaching to be available after school and during the summers. I have worked very, very hard to make sure they are successful human beings. I don’t regret a single second of it, but now I wonder if my plans are backfiring. My kids did really well with remote learning. Eve is happier now that she has been in a long time! She was really struggling with middle school and since we switched to remote learning she has been so much more relaxed. She’s even wearing light gray clothes, instead of all black. :) Lex missed band class, but otherwise did really well with remote learning too. None of us are interested in wearing masks for 8 hrs a day. Lex has opted to continue remote karate and drum lessons so as not to have to wear a mask in those settings. If I didn’t have to go back to school, I’m 90% sure I’d keep them home in the fall. The other 10% is because I would actually let them have input if it was an option, but it’s not an option because I have to go back to school. I have to go back to school and be surrounded by small children who won’t be able to social distance and won’t wear masks effectively for a full school day.
We are lucky that our COVID-19 rates are very low in Vermont, but that doesn’t mean we’re immune. I have such mixed emotions about school. I understand that kids need to be in school so parents can work (that darn economy!) and that they miss seeing each other. I understand that some kids don’t have the family support at home to be successful with remote learning. I understand. I also know that school will NOT look like school as we know it. We will be wearing masks. We will be social distancing. We will have Plexiglas barriers and one-way hallways. When kids come back and want to hug their friends and teachers, we will have to say no. When they want to hold a friend’s hand. No. When they want to sit next to me for a story. No. When they are feeling sad and need a hug. No. No?
I know a lot of kids needs the structure and stability of school (and safety, unfortunately). I know a lot of families need the childcare that school provides. I also know that nothing will be the same when students walk in the door on the first day of school. Nothing can be the same. We will all do our best, but I hope it’s enough. And I hope my working with kids doesn’t bring the virus into our home.
Who knew teaching was such a high-risk job? Sheesh.
I was walking Huxley the other day and got really nostalgic. Our neighborhood is lovely, but it’s so new and bare. Our old street was so established and all the trees were fully grown and all the flowers bloomed and so much history. Our new place will get there, eventually. Now it’s bare. Eve wants a tree to climb. She wants trees for her hammock. Our house was so cozy and had a swing set. Eve was happy there and wore colorful clothes and had friends. I was smaller and cuter. Less gray. Less old.
We have a 3yr old on the street and one neighbor babysits three other little kids, so our street is often covered in chalk and littered with bikes and balls. I miss my kids being that little. Or even smaller than me! I miss doing craft projects with them and reading stories with them. I miss gardening together. The neighbor was wheeling his 3yr old around in a wheelbarrow yesterday and it reminded me of this day and others like it.
Also, Alan and I have been watching That 70’s Show again. I LOVE that show. It’s so funny. But also it’s a show we watched together when it first came out and it’s a show about teenagers falling in love and parents still very much in love. For as often as I literally laugh out loud, there are just as many awkward moments.
I realize, OF COURSE, that it wasn’t all peachy-keen “back in the day.” The house was too small, not right, leaky. The yard took a lot of work. Parenting was hard and marriage was hard. There are as many “goods” today as there were back then, they’re just different “goods.” Goods that I sometimes miss.
I dyed my hair purple. Eve has been wanting me to do it for awhile. I kept promising to to do it when my hair was sufficiently gray. We had an appointment scheduled in the “before time” but then COVID-19 hit and the world closed down. We eventually got tired of waiting, so today we took matters into our own hands.
Happy Sunday. We are officially on winter vacation this week and loving every moment of it. For the past few hours the kids and I have been reading on the couches, interrupted only by dog walks, cat throwup, and the occasional snacks and tea breaks. Poor Alan doesn’t have a week of vacation ahead of him and somehow our calmness has motivated him to work. He installed a cool power strip under the island counter and is now repairing the guest bath toilet that I didn’t even know needed repair.
The real point of this post though is that I had surgery again on Friday, to open up the subglottic stenosis in my trachea. Almost exactly a year from the last surgery. They call it a dilation procedure, not surgery, but it all seems the same to me. Early morning at the hospital, IV, general anesthesia for an hour, recovery, etc. It’s worth it though, because now I can breath again!
The doctors took good care of me and Alan was there to see me in and out. The nurse didn’t like the look of my veins (they never do) so she called in Wayne, the pro, who got it on the first try with no pain and minimal bruising. The anesthesiology team read my file from last time and I think they were working extra hard to make sure everything went well this time! I don’t even remember leaving the prep room or returning to the recovery room. The best part is, other than the open airway, of course, is that whatever the doctor did differently, my tongue isn’t numb this time! The other two times I ended up with one side of my tongue numb for about 10 days. It was a very weird sensation. This time, nothing! Yay! I did have to wear my glasses all afternoon because my eyes were super dry, which is not a problem I usually have, but fortunately I just got new glasses so wearing them wasn’t bad at all. Also, I napped a lot. :)
Friday was also Valentine’s Day, which we don’t do much for around here. We never even got around to decorating this year. I left the kids a small display on the piano, but that was about it. Which was fine for all of us.
Yesterday we hung out some more, doing not much, reading, watching TV and a movie (most of which I slept through) and taking care of the neighbor’s dogs while they are off cruising in warmer climates! Eve has three pet sitting jobs this vacation. One every day for nine days, and the other two are just single days. She does love her pets!
I hope the rest of you had a nice Valentine’s Day, Friday, weekend, and week ahead! I’m reading a really scary book, so I have to finish it before bedtime tonight. It’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. :)
… even if it’s just for two days. I’m at a conference today and tomorrow. I stopped by the front office at school on Wednesday afternoon to let the secretary know that I left the sub plan on my desk. She said, “I don’t have any note of you being out. I have no sub for you!” Ack! I got approval from the boss and did all required paperwork! Apparently he forgot to tell her. She scrambled and found me a sub, and I felt bad, even though I did everything right.
I told Alan last night that he’d have to bring both kids to school because I was leaving early. He asked why I was leaving early, so I reminded him of the conference. I told both kids about it at night when I was putting them to bed, both seemed surprised. Holy moly, I’ve been talking about this for weeks! So much for my prepping.
This morning Eve work up late and in a total funk. She was crying and sad about everything. I felt bad both leaving her and leaving her for Alan to deal with. This evening she called to tell me the dog chewed up her shoe. She only has one pair of shoes. :/
Sigh. The conference is going well at least.
I haven’t posted anything about my second trachea surgery here, that I can remember. I thought I should though, just for posterity and future reference. For the moment it’s over and done with.
Last spring I started experiencing shortness of breath and wheezing, like I had back in 2015/16. Instead of going through the whole process of x-rays, cat scans, asthma treatments, etc, I just went back to the ENT who fixed the problem in the first place! Actually, I went to my PCP first to get the needed referrals. My official PCP, a different doctor than I saw during the first round of all this, thought maybe the problem was caused by reflux. I told him I didn’t have reflux, just the occasional heartburn. He explained reflux and I said, “Ooohhh, yes, I guess I do have that!” He gave me the ENT referral, but also had my try Prilosec for two weeks. Guess what? No heartburn — at all! That was a nice two weeks. Unfortunately the damage was already done.
I went back to the ENT in November and he did the scope again, finding that yes, once again the scar tissue had built up in my subglottic area (just below the larynx) and was causing the wheezing and breathing problems. He said we should definitely do another surgery. I said, ok, but I don’t want a third, so how can we prevent this in the future?! He agreed that reflux is a likely cause and prescribed a longer duration anti-reflux med.
So I had the surgery again on February 8th. I intentionally scheduled it for the week before vacation so I could have two weeks off. I remembered that last time one week didn’t feel like enough (though when I went back and reread the post I realized I also went to a Lego League competition the day before going back to work, NOT the best idea!) This time I had a quiet week at home (with the except of Eve home sick one day, snow day another day, follow up appointments another day, etc) Then we went to Franklin over vacation so I was able to relax there too. That’s what I do best in Franklin! :)
I went back to work this week and I’m feeling pretty great. I can totally breath again! I can walk up stairs without feeling like I’m dying. I don’t sound like Darth Vader anymore. I got nice flowers and a get well card from my coworkers, so I sent out a thank you email and gave them all a quick overview of what’s going on. Since then so many have come to talk to me about it! People have said they thought I had asthma, or bronchitis, or emphysema! Geesh! I’m glad I cleared that up with everyone.
I’m currently taking reflux meds, but also changing my diet to reduce the reflux in the hopes that I don’t have to be on the meds forever. Now we wait and see if the whole thing comes back again after a few years. Fingers crossed it does not!
If you’re curious, here’s a good description of what’s going on.
Here’s a super detailed version of it with some gross pictures, and that article led me to another that might explain what I really have. I’m posting this mostly for my own reference, in case it comes back again in two years.
Anyway, that’s my story for this evening. It’s great to be able to climb stairs and read a full picture book without having to stop and catch my breath!