How can you not be thankful for Thanksgiving muffins!  Baked with love by a sweet four year old for whom I am also thankful!

The kids are outside playing volleyball. So cute!

Right now, on this beautiful day, I am thankful for two things. 1) Strong legs that get me where I need to go, day in and day out, even if where I need to go is absolutely nowhere on the treadmill for a hour. 2) Friends who take time out of their lives to send me encouraging words. It’s good to hear that I’m not alone in this crazy thing we call life. Thank you.

We took the kids to their first ever live football game! Our first ever Dartmouth game. It was fun. We met early for tailgating (in NH, with kids, funny!) and then headed to the game. Everyone was excited and every had a great time. Today I’m thankful the weather held out and we were able to enjoy this fun experience with friends!

Tailgating NH style... lots of coats and hats!

The kids wore themselves out playing football before the game.

Our friend Bill brought the serious equipment! He made various meat products and deep fried tortilla chips. They were yummy! We brougth homemade pretzels and Three Sisters Chowder. That too was yummy! :)

At the game

At the game

The four year olds had a great time together! (I tried, but could not get a picture of all three of them looking and smiling at the same time!)

When they got tired of bouncing in the stadium we took them over the bouncy house to use up more energy. I swear kids have an endless supply!

My boys had a great time! :)

We got home at 5pm, ate dinner, then early bed. Eve was passed out by 7pm, with Alan and Lex shortly after. :)

We made pretzels this morning, from a kit Lex received as a birthday gift! It was a baking kit / science experiment all at once. You had to proof the yeast and measure the water temperature and the instructions included all sorts of interesting facts about yeast and bread and pretzels and salt. It took us all morning, due to the numerous breaks required for the dough rising. It was fun though and the whole family got involved. Best of all, the pretzels were delicious!

Taking the temperature of the water. This little thermometer strip which came with the kit didn't work at all, so I pulled out the candy thermometer instead.

Eve INSISTED she knew how to knead dough.. until she got her sweet little hands on it, then her story quickly changed and she was asking for help. :)

This is a terrible picture of Lex, but it cracks me up. All four of us got involved in the rolling and shaping process. It's harder than you'd think!

Salting the dough. This was the easy part! :)

Aren't those some snazzy looking pretzels??

I didn’t get an “after” picture because we took them from the oven and threw them into a bowl and right into the car… so we could take them tailgating! They disappeared fast!

Seriously. This is a rant. It will not be pretty. You have been warned. Here we go…

I am so **** sick of this weight thing. I’m sick of thinking about it. Thinking about my weight. About my food. About exercise. About all of it. I track diligently, for awhile, then I blow it. Then I feel guilty and eat. Or I yell at the kids. And eat. I overeat for no good reason. I’m a smart person. I know what I should do. I don’t do it. Then I feel awful. My stomach hurts. My teeth hurt. My head hurts. I feel dull. I yell at the kids. I feel guilty. I eat. I am just so sick of this (and trying so hard not to fill this post with swear words!) I want to just push pause for awhile. Not lose, not gain, not think about it. You have to work so hard for every tiny tenth of a percent of weight loss. So freaking hard. Yet, in the blink of an eye, five pounds up again. What the hell!?! It’s just not fair. I want to enjoy my days. I have a house to clean, projects to do, a life to live. I even have two child-free hours a day. Yet somehow they are always wasted on exercise. Wasted, I say, because it’s a never ending friggin’ CHORE! Then I overeat later and blow it anyway. There are so many tasty looking Thanksgiving recipes in the magazines I read (I should probably stop reading magazines altogether. Less temptation and more time to exercise!) They would be fun to make and tasty to eat. But then I would eat them, and eat and eat and eat them and then I’d feel guilty and eat some more. Then I would want to vomit… so I’d eat some more. UGH! Why can’t I just eat like a normal person? Eat until I’m full, then stop. Why is that so hard!?!

One night I told Alan I felt ill because I had eaten several handfuls of peanuts in a very short period of time. He says, “How did you end up with a handful of peanuts?” How the hell does he open the peanut container and NOT end up with a handful?!

We are starting a new meal strategy in this house because of Lex’s resistance to family dinners. I have recurring conversations with my good friend who is trying to potty train her extremely resistant almost-4yr old. I think I have the same dynamic going on inside of me as well! The logical, grownup in me knows what to feed my body. Grownup knows that one animal cracker will inevitably lead to many animal crackers and that just leads to physical pain and mental distress. Grownup knows what’s best for this body. However, the child inside is extremely resistant. Like a child. Grownup says “Animal crackers = bad evening in every way.” Child says “Give me the god damn animal crackers!” And the kids always win.

I had this rant running through my brain while I was laying with the kids tonight. I’m sure I made for pleasant company. I’m not even going to reread because who the hell proof reads a rant, right? Now what? Here are my options. 1) Check myself into a mental hospital. Ideally somewhere that will fully control my access to food. 2) Eat the damn animal crackers… or should I say continue to eat the crackers. 3) Switch to wine instead. 4) Go to bed. (This is the right answer, but not the one I will choose). Or 5) Hot tea, cold water, two baskets of laundry, and something funny on Hulu.

That’s my rockin’ Friday night. I hope yours is more fun and less anguish inducing. Let me know if you find that pause button. My messy mind and messy house could both use it.