People tell you a lot of things about parenting before, and after, you have kids. They tell you that you won’t get much sleep ever again, that kids are loud, messy, and rambunctious, they tell you to kiss alone time good-bye, they tell you that you can no longer be spontaneous and your time is no longer your own. All good things to know and all accurate, for the most part, but there are so many other things, seemingly little but really quite big, that “they” can’t even begin to tell you. Things that even if they did tell you, there is no way for you to know them, to really own them, until you’ve had kids of your own. Like, for example, not only is your time no longer your own, but now your thoughts are no longer your own either. Every thought has an undertone of “how will this affect the kids? Is this normal? Am I screwing up?” You read the books and listen to the experts (or not), do your best and hope for the best. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed thinking about the crazy people and wondering if they were normal at 3yrs old? Were there signs already? Did something go woefully wrong in their upbringing? Should I worry?
For example…
Eve
Eve likes to build jails. I’m not sure why, but if she is building with blocks nine times out of ten she’s building a jail. The things that go in the jail (small toys, imaginary objects, baby Jesus, God) are usually there because they shot someone with a gun. I don’t know where these ideas came from, but they are now well ingrained in her head. She has a great imagination and a great memory. Combine that with the fact that she listens to everything everyone around her is saying. Yes, be careful what you say around Eve, she will hear you! She may choose to ignore you (or maybe it’s just me she ignores) but be confident that she did hear. Anyway, I know she picks up on a lot of things, remembers conversations from eons ago, and embellishes with gusto. Why it seems to focus so often on jail and dying… well, that’s one thing they don’t tell you about parenting. Kids do odd things. Why? Why not?! Is it normal? I don’t know. I’m hoping it is. I’m hoping it’s not a sign that she’s going to grow up to be a serial killer. Perhaps a jail warden? Perhaps it’s just a phase? I’m assuming it’s just a phase, but who knows.
This morning we were playing store. We built a wall to display things on (my attempt to show her that blocks can be used for things other than jails) and then she kicked me out of the room while she set up the store. I returned to find this.
Shopkeeper Eve and her store
Cute, right? Look at Molly, her American Girl doll, under the pink blanket.
Poor Molly.
When I asked what was going on with the doll, she told me that Molly wasn’t listening and wouldn’t behave, so she had to tie her down with the blue fabric. I asked about the band-aids and Eve said they were so Molly couldn’t talk or see anything, of course, and the pink blanket over her head was for punishment. WTF?!? Where does that come from!?!
Should I be worried?
Lex
Lex loves school. Correction, Lex loved school. Now we’re not so sure. Since he started back after Christmas vacation he has been really unhappy. Each morning is a struggle to get him out the door, some days greater than others. He cries and says he is too sad to go to school. He hugs me and tells me he can’t leave me. He yells and tells me that the choice is he stays home or he is angry. He hides under the futon or tries to run away. Every day we eventually manage to get out the door and get him to school and every day he comes home with a smiley face on his sheet and no “codes” (indicators of bad behavior). Each morning Alan and I both do our best to talk with him and console him and try to figure out if there are real problems. The first few days I chalked it up to anxiety about returning to school. Or maybe just the normal transition anxiety. After it lasted all of last week and into this week I really started to worry. Lex will only tell us that he is sad at school. Nothing specific. He says he likes some parts of the day, but not others. Once or twice he said he’s bored, which I can totally understand, but he also says he has no interest in me talking with the teacher and getting more advanced worksheets or activities.
On the way to school this Monday he was telling me that he’s too bored in school because he already knows everything. I suggested 1st or 2nd grade worksheets (I’m sure the ones he does now are boring!) and he said “No! I already know everything!” When we got to his classroom we found that they would be working on writing their last names. I pointed out the new lesson and he said “I already know how to write my last name!” Yes, he has recently discovered attitude and it has become his best friend. Ugh.
Last fall he had an issue with gym class, more specifically one chasing game in gym class, and he strongly protested school on gym days. When he told me the real problem we were able to get it worked out. He talked to his teacher and I talked to his teacher and his gym teacher. Everyone was super nice and his gym teacher made a few minor modifications to the game and Lex now loves gym class. It took a few days but we figured it out.
So now I spend my days wondering if there is something going on in school. Is he really bored? Should I push for more advanced work for him? Homeschool has entered my mind again, but when it meets attitude each day it slinks away. However, I’m pretty sure attitude came from school, and my neighbor. Perhaps he’s not bored, but instead it’s just obstinance? Do we just force him to go and hope he gets over it? Perhaps a kid at school is bothering him? How is a mother to know what to do?!?!
This morning I spoke with his teacher about it. I actually started by asking her how he’s been these past two weeks. She said he has been great. She said he’s been happy, playful, cooperative, and super silly these past few days. Silly in a good way, not in a bothersome way. She smiled as she talked about him and even laughed when she recounted one silly antic. If he was really having problems at school, with boredom or other kids or anything, you would think it would last all day. You’d think the teacher would notice that, right?
We had a giant fight tonight. Attitude and obstinance met on a hungry belly and all hell broke loose. It wasn’t pretty. I took the first shift and Alan took the second shift. I think we have a few days of fights ahead of us to help kick this bad attitude right to the curb.
Anyway, I think I’m rambling here. My point is that you just never know with kids. They take over your days, your time, your energy, your money, and your mind. You give them everything and they give you hugs and kisses. It’s all worth it in the end!
PS. All questions here are rhetorical. I will worry sometimes and I will not other times. That’s just who I am. We will get through the ups and downs and I do honestly believe my kids are not insane, even Eve. ;)
