The playground is a prime place for children to learn social skills and how to play well with others. Apparently it can also be a tricky place for parents, finding the balance between their own parenting style and that of others. That said (poorly), I think I offended a mother or two at the playground today.
We went to the playground at Eve’s school today. At pick-up time I mentioned to the other parents that I was going to take advantage of the beautiful weather and take the kids to the playground for awhile. I extended an open invitation to all within earshot to join us. That might have been my first mistake.
Eve walked us out to the playground, telling us the rules along the way. She shushed us at one point and whispered “This is the quiet hall. Everyone be quiet.” Lex tried to talk and got a very stern shushing (stern face, shush finger, and all). She made us walk single file and when we got to the exit door she said, “Now we hold hands.” Holding hands we walked up the path to a gate, where she announced in her big voice “Drop hands and go play!” Then she took off running to the playground.
The kids and I played together for a few minutes before two other mothers came with their children. For this post they will be known as Little Girl and Little Boy. I’m acquaintances with both mothers, though much more friendly with Little Girl’s mom because she and Eve get along well and we’ve talked about playdates and gone to the library together. Let me add here that the more time we spend with Little Girl, the less I like her. Is that awful to say of a five year old? Eve, however, loves her!
Eve, Little Girl, and Little Boy all took off playing. On one side of the playground there is a large hill with woods at top, sports fields surround the rest of the playground. I was playing with Lex and chatting with the other mothers when I suddenly noticed that Little Boy was playing alone and the girls were gone. I started looking for them and Little Boy helpfully led me right to them, in the woods at the top of the hill. Eve crying because her shoe was stuck. I helped her out, told all of the kids (Lex had joined us by this point) that the woods were off limits. During this conversation I found out that Little Girl was trying to get away from Little Boy and Eve was following along. I asked them to play nicely, out of the woods! It took a little convincing and it left me with a weird feeling at how eager Eve was to do exactly what Little Girl was telling her to do. That’s not the girl I’m raising! The strong willed, independent girl I know and love. Suddenly she was willing to sit on the sidelines and not play just because another little girl told her to. Weird.
I went back to playing with Lex but I kept an eye on the preschool group. After a few minutes I noticed that Little Girl was again leading Eve away and behaving quite rudely towards Little Boy. I couldn’t hear her words, but her body language was definitely not friendly. I debated briefly about what to do and then decided to mention it to Little Girl’s mom. We’re friendly, after all. I told her nicely what the kids were doing and why Little Girl kept leading Eve away, in front of Little Boy’s mom because there was no way to do it otherwise. Mom went over and talked to her daughter for a minute and came back saying all was taken care of. I went back to playing with Lex (was I offending the moms already? I suspect they were talking about me at this point.)
A few minutes later I saw the girls, followed closely by the boy, heading off into the woods in a different direction. I hollered LOUDLY for Eve to come back. Then I took off in her direction. Poor sweet Lex, once again left playing alone. Little Boy came back but the girls kept going. Little Girl’s mom headed their way as well and got to them first. Since I saw them coming back to the playground I stopped to grab Eve’s backpack and tell Lex that we had to head home. I met Little Girl’s mom along the way and told her that we were leaving. I was super nice about all of this, but honest, and told her that if Eve keeps leaving the playground then I have to take her home. I don’t think many parents practice the “immediate consequences” method of parenting. I often get funny looks when I make my kids leave a place for bad behavior. While I was saying goodbye to Little Boy’s mom, Little Girl’s mom went over to talk to the kids. When I got there Little Girl tried to argue with me. She gave me a harder time than Eve did. Eve just whined and fussed, telling me that she only ever wants to be with that little girl, never with anyone else. I found myself uttering the words, “If she ran into a street full of cars would you want to follow her there too?” Yes, was her reply. Where is my smart girl?!?! Ugh. I think Little Girl’s mom was put out that we left. I was nice to her and her daughter, but I need to stick to my discipline strategy. I’m not willing to waive on that. I try not to anyway!
By the time we got to the car Eve had forgotten about things and was happy to be heading home. I know she was tired. They both are after school. Heck, I’m tired by 4pm too! I tried to close my mouth and reign in my crankiness for the drive home.
Now I’m ignoring the kids to write this post. Mostly for myself. For some reason I feel very worked up by this. I just explained to Lex that sometimes when you have something on your mind it helps to write it down. Some people use a journal or a diary, but I use this blog. I promised him that I would be happier and calmer afterwards. Fortunately they are sweet kids and they’re playing on their toy computer on the floor behind me. I feel better already. Deep breath, return to center.
Now if I can just make it through the rest of the day without eating the rest of the Nilla wafers I bought “for the kids.” Eve just said “Mom, I’m hungry. Can I go get a piece of fruit?” I must be doing something right!
