Read at your own risk…

I think my kids both have a case of the mid-year blahs. School year, that is! I hope it’s that because then I have a smidgen of hope that things will get better!

Lex had his worst day ever in 1st grade on Thursday. So bad, in fact, that his teacher walked out with him at the end of the day so she could talk to me. He grabbed my hand and said, “C’mon mom!” Right, like I’m going to follow him and walk away from his teacher. Apparently he was rude, disrespectful, and completely uncooperative with his teachers all day. Luckily his teacher knows he is normally a nice kid and she seemed more concerned than upset. We talked about what could make Friday better and I secretly prayed for a snow day. On the way to swim lessons after school he was fine until he didn’t get the snack he wanted then he started threatening to kick me and break the car. He lost his before and after lessons swim time, but I let him do the lesson because I paid good money for it and because he earned it by sitting nicely while Eve swam before lessons.

Friday morning came and I got my wish. Ice and sleet canceled school and all of our other plans for Friday (except ice skating, which was fun but probably not necessary) Saturday we stayed home all day, the kids were calm, all was good… until Alan and I went out to dinner with my grandparents and left the kids with a babysitter. Apparently he yelled at her, refused to get ready for bed, and threw things at her! This poor woman (who has babysat for us in the past but probably won’t again in the future) couldn’t get out of our house fast enough when we got home. Ugh. As a consequence we decided not to let him attend a birthday party on Sunday that he was invited to. He didn’t even notice. The day went by and he didn’t even remember the party. I’m really glad we skipped it! Even now, Tuesday evening, after two days spent in class with the birthday boy and his classmates, Lex still hasn’t mentioned it.

Monday and today I had trouble getting him to school. He fussed at his teacher for a little while Monday morning but then turned his day around and they had a good one. She emailed me in the evening to say how proud she was of him. I haven’t heard from her today. He said he had a good day, but then he was very rude to the school nurse at the end of the day when she tried to tell me about a small head bump he had received. He was angry that a teacher had made him go to the nurses office and I guess decided to be exceptionally rude to the nurse. I realized, in hindsight, that I while I was trying to talk to the nurse I did a lousy job correcting his very rude behavior. I drove away feeling rude myself for it. Ugh.

He is just so stubborn and feisty and buggy. He knows exactly what you can and can’t make him do and he is quick to point it out. I find myself threatening him constantly and it’s exhausting!! He’s happy in the morning, but as soon as it’s time to go to school he’s too tired to function. He picks at Eve, he’s rude and back-talky to me, he’s always “too tired” for anything he doesn’t want to do. I know, I know, I know that he does this in phases and I just have to remind myself that he’s a good kid and just going through something and the nice boy I know and love will eventually come out again. I just need to hold on tight to that belief.

Unfortunately Eve is also a bundle of crazy these days too. Crying about EVERYTHING, whining, stomping her feet, huffing, practicing her tantrums at every chance she gets. She screams and throws things. Ugh! This morning we were working on worksheets together. We were having fun. I make a worksheet for her and she does it. Yes, she was having fun with this. However, when I told her she couldn’t sit on my lap while I made the next sheet, and I nicely explained why, she proceeded to melt down. Stomping her feet, huffing, whining. I tried to be nice with her, then I tried to ignore her, then I lost my temper and crumpled up the paper. She shrieked like she was being tortured! I yelled at her (mature, I know) then left the room. I came back a few minutes later to find her sitting behind the recliner in the living room, holding the smoothed out though still very crumply paper, and crying. I felt awful. We cuddled for awhile and promised to be nice to each other. It was sweet and her niceness lasted for about an hour until it was time to get ready for school.

I know she has fun in school, but every morning when it’s time to go she cries and complains that she’s too tired and doesn’t want to go. I can’t tell if she’s really having a problem at school or just echoing Lex’s school departures each day. I lose my temper at her more often than I should. It’s exhausting.

I’m not going to survive the teenage years with either of them.

My one saving grace is that they rarely fight with me at the same time. They fight with each other all the time, but with me if one is being stubborn and putting up a fight the other is usually cooperating or at least staying out of the way.

As for myself, I’m crawling out of my skin. We have been super busy with a bunch of inconsequential things. Seriously, my friend asked yesterday what we’ve been so busy with and I couldn’t even tell her. Just stuff. Life, I guess. But I’m changing that. Canceling everything I can and slowing this train down! At the same time I just feel so…. stifled in my own life. Something needs to change but I don’t know what. My house makes me claustrophobic. I want to move or tear it down and start over. I want to travel and I’m disappointed that our April plans aren’t going to happen, but the reason they aren’t going to happen is because I don’t think this family (or maybe just me?!) can handle it. The house makes me crazy, the weather makes me crazy, the kids make me crazy, my mind makes me crazy, I make me crazy…. something needs to change. Unfortunately I think I’m the only one who can make it change. If only I know what “it” was! Right now I just wish I had a giant chocolate chip cookie. Or a bag of KAF burgundy chunks! They would be gone this evening. It’s good I don’t have anything in the house.

Lex just got up to go to the bathroom and give me a hug. How can children make you so frustrated and then turn on a dime and be the sweetest things ever? My heart melts and I feel like an ogre for ever having gotten angry at them. Sigh. I love them. Parenting is hard work. I need a drink.