Sorry I haven’t posted in awhile, but it’s
been an emotionally draining week. As a few of you may know, we
have been struggling with the daycare and, since solid decision
making seems to be completely out of my range of capabilities
these days, I’ve been struggling trying to figure out what to
do. I’m fortunate to have found great daycare kids, all are
happy, funny, and very nice kids and I’ve been lucky. However,
having kids here all day, every day, has taken a toll on me and
my kids. I’m very stir crazy these days and as spring
approaches (though you’d never know it looking out the window!)
I can’t help thinking of all the things I want to do with the
kids that I won’t be able to since we’ll be confined to our
house (or at least our property) every day. I’ve been trying to
get them out on weekends, but Lex prefers to be home on
weekends because daddy is there and no extra kids. So that
leaves me struggling with him or staying him. During the week
my normally sweet boy has become a bit of a menace, jumping on
the girls, pushing them, taking toys, and generally making them
cry (which they are VERY quick to do). I feel like I’m spending
most of my days disciplining him and usually cranky with him.
Alan and I were talking about the fact that I need to
discipline the girls too, because tattling and bossiness aren’t
considered good social behavior. I guess I’m not real good with
discipline and especially not when there’s always someone who
needs a new diaper, new bottle, nose wipe, more food, etc. It
just seems like there’s never time. It’s frustrating. I know
Lex’s behavior issues are because he gets no alone time and no
mommy time. Eve has also turned into a fuss pot and spends her
time crawling around after me and crying a lot. We thought she
had an ear infection (I could have sworn!) but the doc says
she’s fine, so now it must be teething or attachment issues or
just too much activity all the time. It’s hard to tell with a
baby. So I’ve been thinking for awhile about whether or not
daycare is really the best option for my family. The money is
ok and we definitely need all the money we can get, but at what
cost? And when do you switch from “give it all you’ve got”
mentality to “it’s just not working and/or not worth the
effort.” I hate to be a quitter, but I also hate how I feel
every day these days.

So, I made the
decision to stop doing daycare. I told the parents this week
and everyone was understanding, but upset. It’s really hard to
find good childcare around here and almost impossible to find
infant care. I’ve given them two weeks notice, but I won’t be
locking the door in any one’s face either. My full-time toddler
will be going back to her previous daycare center this Monday
and I think the family is good with that. I think she’ll be
happier there too. I’m hoping that baby can find a good
alternative though. Like I said, infant care is hard to find
and I really feel the worst for her. That’s what made my
decision even harder. She’s also the sweetest baby on the
planet and if I had any way to get 3 car seats in my car I’d
keep her in a heartbeat! But, alas, I don’t. I may end up
keeping my T/TH toddler though. I’ve been talking with her mom
about it. That would still give us three days to get out or be
quiet at home, and then two days with her. I don’t know if that
will happen or not yet. See why I was struggling though? For my
own hopes at sanity and family peace I have to put a huge
burden on other families.

To put things
in perspective though, my friend emailed me last night that her
1yr old son has to have abdominal surgery. The little guy had
kidney problems before birth and now needs surgery for a
bladder problem. Let’s all keep him in our thoughts and
prayers.