I’m trying to instill some concept of charity in my kids. Never too young to start, right? Yesterday we baked cookies to donate to the Haven. Today we packed up a bag of food and the cookies. I have been talking with the kids about donating toys as well, but that isn’t going over so well. Last year they both happily (mostly) chose 2 and 4 toys (per their age) to donate to “the children with no toys.” When I mentioned this again this year it didn’t go over as well. Lex came around after a bit and started looking for toys, but Eve wanted nothing to do with it. I set only two rules: 1) the toy must be complete and in good condition and 2) both kids must agree. Lex did a good job finding toys, and Eve did a good job vetoing every single one. She insisted, in her very dramatic way, that she played with each and every one and couldn’t stand to be without. I explained it a few times, but she wasn’t interested. Lex snuck one toy in the food bag and away we went.
When we got to the Haven the kids eagerly brought the cookies in and Lex asked if he could have a tour of the place. I told him about the food pantry and the people who stay upstairs, he wanted to see it all. An employee gave us a nice tour of the food pantry and explained how it worked. She even opened all six of the refrigerators so he could look inside each one :) She showed us photos on the wall of the upstairs accommodations and Lex wanted to check them out as well, but I said no since they were closing soon and I think it would be awkward to go through people’s living quarters. So we checked out the food pantry and the clothing area and he really seemed interested. Eve was only moderately interested (but she is still young) and silently started crying when she noticed the toy in the food bag. She sobbed until I asked for it back. I guess we’ll keep working on the toy donation part. There’s still time for that. We were talking about making muffins in a few weeks and bringing them over. Maybe that trip will include a toy or two.
I have been thinking a lot about how to reconcile “Santa” with charity, gifts, thank yous, etc. I don’t want my kids thinking that Santa brings everything to everyone. When I first mentioned the toy donation idea last week both kids were confused as to why kids needed their toys instead of just getting new toys from Santa. The subject came up again a few days later with Eve when she asked me about a Toys For Tots sign. I posted on Facebook and got some great advice. Santa brings one toy (or just a few toys) per kid, but we are fortunate enough to have money and family who love us and give us even more presents. Not everyone is that fortunate. That seemed to resonate a bit with the kids today. I’ll keep at it. I’m hoping to avoid the mass consumerism of the holiday season.
Anyway, I feel like this is a super rambly post.. perhaps due to the vodka/oj concoction my dear hubby made for me a few minutes ago? :) I’ll write something more coherent another day.
One final thought, when we were out driving this afternoon Eve saw a Santa figure on a lawn and yelled, “SANTA!!” as she is apt to do these days. Lex replied with, “I don’t care if you believe me or not, Santa is real. Mom, do you believe?” I said, “Yes, I do. Do you?” And he said “Yes, I do.” :) Holiday magic.
From my Love & Logic newsletter:
During this Christmas season, my hope is that you’ll…
- spend more time playing with your kids than you spend shopping for them;
- remember that the gift they really yearn for is you;
- hug them and smile into their eyes as often as possible;
- and show them through your never-ending love what a precious gift they are.
Who do you suppose that Love & Logic thought pertains to? :-)
I’m sorry… I really can’t stay quiet on this… be careful equating love in the impressionable mind of a small child with stuff and money with explanations like “we are fortunate enough to have money and family who love us and give us even more presents.”
Those of us who really don’t have money this year to buy toys, or even stuff to make a gift, that will even compare in the eyes of a 3 or 5 yr old to a Thomas train set, a Princess castle, a Lego space station, or whatever they get this year, don’t love them any less, and I, for one, feel heart broken that all I can offer them this year is a warm, genuine hug, some stories read, the freedom to be who and what ever they are in my presence, and my genuine presence that will always love them and stand on their behalf no matter what.
And well, on the charity front, I still hold out for the truth about Saint Nicholas. His giving wasn’t an obligation or done to look nice or get loved. It was a genuine offering from his heart to make a man’s life a little easier and lighter by not having to sell his 3 daughters into slavery, and it’s turned into some fat man dropping toys on kids to make the CEOs at Hasbro’s and Mattel’s lives easier and lighter by indulging in the gluttony that’s become our economic structure.
Little kids don’t understand generosity of the heart, and they can’t be expected to yet. They barely understand language; however, I promise they know contradiction as Lex proved, and that’s all Santa, in it’s current form, and giving to the needy are to a wee person—nothing more than a contradiction.
Here it is, the truth about Santa: “Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy.”
Santa does exist. I’d argue that he exists BECAUSE those things still exist, even if they’re buried deep below the surface. He’s the excuse we use to be really generous with our hearts when we’re too closed and/or scared to do it otherwise, and we need something to hide behind to make it ok. We use Santa and presents as the mask so kids feel that we care when we can’t truly give of ourselves, whether b/c we aren’t in close physical proximity and can offer our time and presence, or we’re just too shut down to actually be present for them, or a variety of other reasons that are the best we can do.
Saint Nicholas is the invitation to be more than we usually are for just a short time, to really love our fellow human, even if we can’t sustain it every single day of our lives, so if you want kids, any kids, to expand into their own generous hearts tell them everyone is Santa, just like everyone is Divine, even them, and that miracles really do happen, and sometimes WE’RE the miracle, because that’s the truth… the only Truth there is… the rest is just our rational minds try to make sense of the chaos we call reality.
Or wait until summer or something so they’re not so focused on the getting for themselves and “make a donation” then by hiding the toys they will part with until next Xmas.
I’ll be doing Christmas like The Little Drummer Boy this year. It’s my best; I’m trusting the rest.
Ok, I’m going to shut my “cynical” pie hole now and go back to work.
Amanda…I “like”!