Have you heard about the idea of mindsets? Namely “fixed” or “growth” mindsets? I first read about it in an article UVEI gave me last August, then I saw a TED talk about it at a teacher in-service day this fall. Last week at UVEI we had a guest speaker who talked about mindsets a lot as well. I think the idea is fascinating, so I finally bought the book.

Carol Dweck, the author, defines a fixed mindset as “believing your qualities are carved in stone.” The idea that you are born one way and can’t change. You are smart, or artistic, or athletic. You are great or you are not. However, the “growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts.” With a growth mindset you believe that “everyone can change and grow through application and experience.”

I’m on page 39 and so far the book doesn’t thrill me, but the idea does. She’s given tons of examples on fixed mindset versus growth mindset, and each example makes it sound like a fixed mindset is a horrible thing and that fixed mindset people are awful to be around. The book starts off as a grandiose self-help book, right from the subtitle of the book, “How we can learn to fulfill our potential.” I hope it gets a little more substantial as it goes along, although it’s not even until the very last chapter that she talks about how to change your mindset. She does promise it’s possible.

When I first heard of the idea I thought, “of course I’m a growth mindset!” Obviously. I am confident that I can do anything I set my mind to, and the idea that we are capped mentally or physically and are completely unable to improve ourselves is ridiculous. It wasn’t until David Grant, the speaker at my UVEI seminar, said that it’s possible for a person to have different mindsets in different areas, or to be mostly one mindset, but sometimes the other that I started thinking, “hmmm…” Professionally I have no doubt that I have a growth mindset. I am confident that anything I strive for, I can achieve, and do well at. I have always done very well and been very highly regarded at every job I’ve had. Not to brag, but it’s true. My biggest doubt usually is whether or not I’ll be happy with the career I choose.

However, this weekend I got to thinking about the diet and exercise side of my brain. I see people who are more fit than I am and think, “I could look like that if I tried.” But I don’t try. “I could lose this weight (again!) if I just set my mind to it.” But I don’t set my mind to it. Instead I walk around in an fog and eat more cookies. I think I could lose weight and be more fit if I just decided to make it happen, but maybe there’s a layer down in my subconscious that says otherwise. Maybe I do have a fixed mindset in this area. Maybe somewhere inside I’m thinking I’ll probably just fail again and that would be embarrassing (ok, I’ve had that thought many times!) so why bother trying. As long as I’m busy with kids and work and life, then I have an excuse to not try.

I was talking to Lex last weekend about mindsets and he immediately decided he was a growth mindset because he loved to learn new things. I didn’t argue with him, but as I thought about it over the next few days I realized that he likes to try new things as long as they are within his comfort zone. New computer apps, new books, new Lego projects, bring it on! New food? Nope! New extracurricular activities? Rarely. Even at school he often gets stuck and frustrated when the teacher asks him to do things differently than how he already knows. Maybe this is because he has a fixed mindset, at least in some areas. He has always been smart and everyone tells him so. Alan and I have been working hard on praising his efforts, not his brains, but he’s heard us bragging about him through the years. Everyone else does too. Even his classmates constantly tell him how smart he is. We found a note from a classmate back in first grade that said “Happy Valentine’s Day. You really know math. You are really smart Lex.” That’s the translation anyway, from first grade spelling. :) Even back in first grade his friends were complementing his intelligence. So now when his teacher asks him to look at something differently, to try something in a different way then how he’s comfortable with, he balks and refuses.

Tonight we were playing Spit (a card game) and I asked if we could play one-handed, the way the game is supposed to be played. He loves playing Spit and always plays two-handed. He’s pretty good at it, but when I suggested one-handed he shut down. We talked about mindsets a bit again and he said he didn’t want to try one-handed because he wouldn’t be any good at it. We talked about what would happen in that case, which of course is nothing. I said it would be challenging for both of us, we would take the game a little slower, and we would both improve our skills. He ended up in tears and refused to play the game. It made me hurt to see him so stuck.

Dweck says, in her article,

“we found that students with the two mindsets had radically different beliefs about effort. Those with a growth mindset had a very straightforward (and correct) idea of effort — the idea that the harder you work, the more your ability will grow and that even geniuses have had to work hard for their accomplishments. In contrast, the students with the fixed mindset believed that if you worked hard it meant that you didn’t have ability, and that things would just come naturally to you if you did. This means that every time something is hard for them and requires effort, it’s both a threat and a bind. If they work hard at it that means they aren’t good at it, but if they don’t work hard they won’t do well. Clearly, since just about every worthwhile pursuit involves effort over a long period of time, this is potentially crippling belief, not only in school but also in life.”

This idea saddens me, but also encourages me to read all the way to chapter eight where Dweck talks about how to change mindsets. For now Alan and I are (and have been for some time) working on the idea of praising behaviors, not abilities. The same applies to discipline/criticism as well. Comment on the behavior, not the person. This idea is popular in the parenting world, unrelated to mindsets, but it aptly applies to both. When you notice and comment on the effort a person puts into a project, instead of just the outcome, you are rewarding them for trying hard, not for being smart. That is the goal, continued growth and effort for all of us!