{"id":132,"date":"2009-05-07T20:40:00","date_gmt":"2009-05-07T20:40:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tessa.datdec.com\/wordpress\/?p=132"},"modified":"2009-05-07T20:40:00","modified_gmt":"2009-05-07T20:40:00","slug":"worst-parenting-day-ever","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/familyblog.datdec.com\/?p=132","title":{"rendered":"Worst parenting day EVER"},"content":{"rendered":"

I wrote the following, on paper, this
\n morning while trying to tune out my life. I debated all
\n afternoon about posting it and finally decided to go ahead and
\n do it. It’s not pretty, I’ll warn you now. Those of you who’ve
\n been there will probably laugh at me, and those who haven’t
\n will probably reconsider ever having a 4yr old!
<\/u><\/p>\n

italic;\">Anger<\/u>
I think I was
\n angrier at Lex this morning than I’ve ever been. Not
\n out-of-control-kicking-and-screaming angry (that came later!),
\n just calm, deep anger. It scared me.<\/p>\n

For
\n the past few weeks (two, maybe three) we’ve been having a fight
\n almost every morning. Lex will lose control for one reason or
\n another (today it was because he didn’t get the music he
\n wanted), he’ll start crying and getting physical, I (or Alan)
\n will put him in his room and we’ll proceed to spend a long time
\n (over an hour one day!) holding his door closed. Eventually he
\n will settle down, but not until after a ton of tears, beating
\n on the door, and throwing random things around his room. It’s
\n miserable for everyone. Alan suggested getting a lock on the
\n door, but I think he’ll just pull it out. We need to find a
\n better way to deal with this. Right now I feel like we’re
\n paying full attention to the fussing kid and ignoring poor Eve,
\n who is acting very sweet. Then he bounces back and is happy and
\n ready to play, but Alan and I feel exhausted and beat down, and
\n all I want to do is tune them out, which probably doesn’t
\n help.<\/p>\n

This morning Eve asked to listen
\n to a specific CD. When I started to put it on Lex decided he
\n wanted a different one, then got angry and threw the CD and a
\n book at me! The other morning he threw wooden train tracks at
\n the TV!!! After a while in the office (Alan was sleeping and I
\n was trying not to wake him… no luck) with me holding the door
\n closed, he settled down enough that we could go out to Eve’s
\n swimming lesson. Sadly, when we got there and I tried to check
\n him in to the childcare room he threw another huge fit. We
\n discussed it the whole way over and he knew that was the plan
\n because fussy boys don’t get to swim. I was so angry that we
\n were still fighting, and in public this time, but mostly
\n because Eve had to miss her lesson (that she LOVES and we
\n already paid for) and I didn’t feel like there was anything I
\n could do about it. Can’t leave a kicking and screaming kid with
\n the nice lady in the play room, as much as I would have liked
\n to!! Eve was super sweet and didn’t fuss, but it still isn’t
\n fair to her. When we got home I put him upstairs and was hugely
\n relieved that he settled down and didn’t continue to fight. We
\n often can’t leave him alone up there because he’ll throw things
\n down the stairs and climb the gate. Today he fussed a bit, but
\n was mostly calm. I left him up there for about 40 minutes while
\n I tried to pay Eve some good attention, though I really just
\n wanted to eat blueberry muffins and lose myself in my computer
\n or a good book!<\/p>\n

I think a big part of
\n the problem is his diet. He doesn’t eat much, but what he does
\n eat is mainly bagels and crackers. A carboholic after my own
\n heart. He’ll sometimes eat sunflower or soy butter sandwiches,
\n often dried fruit, and lots of milk and oatmeal. I tell myself
\n it’s ok because it’s not junk food, but I think he may need
\n more fruits and veggies and probably more food in general. It’s
\n hard to get him to sit still and eat, he just bounces around
\n and plays. I want to duct tape him (both of them, really) into
\n his chair until he eats a reasonable amount of healthy
\n food!<\/p>\n

Now for the mommy guilt. I’ve
\n started job hunting. Mostly because we need money, but part of
\n me wonders if I’m just sick of my kids and, if so, what kind of
\n mom does that make me?!? They are both full of crazy these days
\n and “why, why, why” and Lex is soooo argumentative and having
\n trouble grasping the fact that you don’t always get what you
\n want. He is also very strong and getting more and more
\n physical, lots of pushing, hitting, throwing, etc. I know these
\n are all normal and healthy developmental stages, but I feel
\n like a crazy person lately. Why!?!! I want to be a stronger,
\n better mother, but I also want to curl up in a hole and check
\n out for a few days. We just need more stability around here.
\n And sanity. Next post will be happier, I
\n promise.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The rest of my day
\n included a huge fight at “quiet” time with poor Eve falling
\n asleep to a royal rumble outside her door. He managed to calm
\n down and stay in my room just long enough for me to get a
\n shower, then they were both up again. I got a break in the
\n afternoon because I put in a movie for them to watch. Then
\n dinner, bath (relatively fight-free) and another brawl at
\n bedtime. I really need to get control of my own anger. And more
\n sleep.<\/p>\n

I think our problem is
\n three-fold. 1) Diet 2) The fact that we have no safe space to
\n put him when he has a tantrum 3) Just his age. I think we can
\n address 1) and 2) and I guess we’ll just have to wait out 3).
\n It occurred to me this afternoon that this is nowhere in this
\n entire house that I can put him, mid tantrum, and just walk
\n away. He can open all of the doors, climbs the baby gate at the
\n top of the stairs, and I found out this evening that he can
\n open the baby gate at the top of the stairs! So when he’s
\n having a meltdown there is no where I can put him and walk away
\n myself, just to get a break. I have to remain involved in the
\n tantrum, thereby raising my anger levels and ignoring Eve. My
\n love for him is so strong and it scares me that my anger can be
\n just as strong. I feel like all of my parenting knowledge and
\n skill just melts away.<\/p>\n

Anyway, I have a
\n ton of Pampered Chef stuff to do and a very messy house, but I
\n think I’m going to bed early tonight. I feel like I’ve been run
\n over by a truck!<\/p>\n

PS. Ironically, my friend sent
\n me this today: <\/span>“Tessa
\n Johnson Announced as 2009 Mother of the
\n Year.”<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I wrote the following, on paper, this morning while trying to tune out my life. I debated all afternoon about posting it and finally decided to go ahead and do it. It’s not pretty, I’ll warn you now. Those of … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-132","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/familyblog.datdec.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/132","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/familyblog.datdec.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/familyblog.datdec.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/familyblog.datdec.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/familyblog.datdec.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=132"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/familyblog.datdec.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/132\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/familyblog.datdec.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=132"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/familyblog.datdec.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=132"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/familyblog.datdec.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=132"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}