An emotional start to the school year

I’m feeling a little emotional today, and since I haven’t had a good emotional post here in awhile I figured it was about time.

The teachers in our district go back to school today. This is their in-service week and next Monday the kiddos start school too. This morning I was talking to the kids about school shopping and I mentioned that the teachers had to start school today. They of course asked why I’m not in school, since I’m a teacher too. My first thought was, “welll…..” but instead I explained that teachers in our district start today, but I will be in a different district and the teachers in that district start next week. Which, really, is super convenient for me since I can be home with the kids this week and I’ll start my “in-service” time the same week they go back to school.

On the surface everything is perfect. I have a steady job, with nice people, in a beautiful school, following a philosophy that makes so much sense to me. It will be calm and peaceful at school, and at home since I’ll be home in the afternoons with my kids and we don’t have to deal with long bus rides and daycare this year. Everyone will be happy.

Yet, I can’t help this little part of me that feels totally disappointed in myself and this outcome. After working so hard last year to become a teacher, learning how to write lessons and differentiate and set up a classroom and so much more… then ending up as an assistant and being trained on how to color coordinate the sponges and refill the polishing cream feels depressingly anti-climactic. I was eager for a job in June and feeling stressed because the job listings were drying up, I took this one. It is a good job, but in hindsight maybe I should have held out a bit longer.

Since I took the job several classroom teacher positions have opened up, in schools I’d like to be in. I’ve been encouraged by friends and peers to back out of my Montessori contract and go for the classroom jobs. Apparently “teachers do it all the time!” Unfortunately I have higher standards for myself and backing out of a perfectly good contract just didn’t feel right. Especially since there is nothing wrong with the job, in fact there are many very right things about it… it’s just not what I was hoping to be doing this year. My logical mind says I did the right thing and this is a good step for my work-life balance, but the evil voice inside says maybe I’m just being lazy, if I was really serious I’d go for the prize, whatever it takes. Often I’m good at staying logical and suppressing that voice, but sometimes it pipes up.

I saw a woman from UVEI at Panera Bread this afternoon. She was having a working lunch with her new teacher friends. I also just texted a friend of mine about getting together tomorrow, then remembered that she got hired in the middle school this year and is at work this week. These things should make me feel happy to not be working, but instead they make me feel sad. :/

Often when I feel my craziest it’s when my logic and emotions collide, leaving me with internal debates that can have no winner. So today I am trying to stay positive, relax into the fact that I am home with the kids, not at work, and ignore the fact that it would be super cool (and totally stressful!) to be at work right now, setting up a new classroom and preparing for my first teaching job. Exactly where I wanted to be at this point in the year! Alas, that will have to wait for next year (I hope!) and this will be a calm, quiet year in someone else’s classroom.

In the meantime, who doesn’t love fresh school supplies!?!

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Employed

We are home now, back from two trips in a row.  I have a list of blog posts I want to write, and the kids are at camp next week so hopefully I’ll get them written. :)  I have a few minutes right now though, so I thought I’d start off with a quick one.

I got a job!  Yay!  I interviewed at a local Montessori school last Friday, then got an offer on the phone, while standing in the grocery store parking lot in Oneonta, and accepted.  I signed the papers when we got back in town.  I am super excited to be employed and no longer worrying about what my fall will bring.  However, I’ve had mixed emotions about the whole thing as well.  (Because that seems to be how I live my life, debating, second-guessing, and wondering.)

The position is an assistant teacher job, not a full teacher.  This is awesome because it means next year will be so much easier than this year was.  I’ll be home when the kids get home from school each day, no more daycare and long bus rides for them, and I won’t have any extra work to do in the evenings and weekends.  Teachers do a lot after school hours!  However, I’m also a little sad that so much of what I learned and prepared for this year will be irrelevant next year.  All the lesson planning, differentiation, classroom management, etc… maybe.  I don’t know a ton about the Montessori methodology so there may be more of that than I realize.  I will also be in someone else’s classroom, so again I’ll be following someone else’s expectations.  That was fine last year for my internships, but I was definitely having a lot of “in my classroom…” thoughts by the end of the year.  I guess I’ll have to put them on hold for awhile.  The pay is paltry and if I max out my retirement account (of which I have none at the moment) I will pretty much be bringing home nothing.  Sigh.  Good thing Alan is solidly employed!

I had this vision in my head of what it would feel like when I got a job.  I would start planning my classroom, going through the kids’ things here to see what I can bring in, studying up on the CCSS for that grade, learning the curriculum, etc.  Basically work, work, work – but everything I’ve been preparing for this past year.  Instead it will be none of that, but I’ll have a quiet summer and I’ll be home with the kids after school in the fall, which will be great based on the year we just had, and I’ll be in a beautiful classroom with super friendly colleagues.  And working with kids, which is why I started this whole thing!  When I focus on the positive I am super excited about this job!  They are sending me to a Montessori conference so I can learn the Montessori curriculum and methodology, and they lent me a few Montessori books, so I have some reading to do… just as soon as I finish the Divergent series, probably totally anti-Montessori!  :)

So that’s that. New job.  Known future.  Beautiful school.  Friendly people.  Awesome hours.  Happy family.  Life is good.

Last day of school

Today was the last day of school, for all of us!  We successfully completed 1st, 3rd, and kindergarten!  We may have gone a little overboard with the treats this year.

We made cookies for the classes.  I had in mind bright, sunshiny, lemony cookies, but time and ingredients dictated and we ended up with spice cookies in flower shapes.  Yellow, at least.  Not exactly perfect, but no one complained!  The kids wanted them for classmates and I wanted them as a thank you for the teachers at my school, so we divied them up three ways and there were plenty to go around.

IMG_1726We also made goody bags for the students in all three classes.  The bags had a jump rope, bubbles, and Starburst inside, then a cute note and ribbons on the outside.  They were pretty awesome, if I do say so myself, and the kids loved them!IMG_1731 IMG_1732 IMG_1733 IMG_1735

We also made gifts for the teachers.  All eight of them!  The gifts were Pinterest-inspired and I loved them.  I got freezable tumblers with straws, put Lindt chocolate balls and a gift certificate to the local ice cream stand inside, along with thank you notes written by me or the kids (depending on who’s teacher it was!), then wrapped a Real Simple magazine around the outside and tied it all up with a ribbon.  A little obsessive, but super cute!

IMG_1737 IMG_1739Alan is away this week so I brought the kids to school.  Probably a good thing because he would have scoffed at the ridiculousness of my last-day-of-school goodies.
imageI made the poor kids carry a ton, then asked them to stop for a photo directly in the sunshine. Lex protested and moved over to the wall, out of the direct sun. The background isn’t lovely, but the kids are smiling so that’s enough for me.

I dropped the kids and all their stuff off at school (and helped them carry everything in and deliver to the appropriate classrooms), then headed down to my school where I precariously carted in all of my end-of-year goodies.  I left a tray of cookies in the teachers’ lounge and sent out a lovely thank you note to the teachers and staff (via email), thanking them for their support this term and telling them about the cookies.

At lunch I went back to my first school and spent an hour with my fifth graders from the fall.  I watched a memories slide show my mentor teacher had put together and chatted a bit with the kids. They’ve all grown so much this fall!  It amazes me to go back and see them.  I got lots of hugs and it was nice to get to say goodbye to them.

Then back to kindergarten for the rest of the day.  Some kids were thrilled to leave for summer vacation and others were in tears.  It was an interesting experience.  I’m going to miss them all, 5th and kindergarten!

After school my kids came back happy with their new classes and teachers.  I now have 2nd and 4th graders!  Eek!  They are growing up way too fast!!  This afternoon we did karate, then home for the dinner and bedtime routine.  Then we snuggled in and read three chapters of the Lightening Thief book we’re reading!  Super fun way to start vacation.  Then, even more fun for me, once the kids were in bed my friend from UVEI came over and we celebrated our last day of school together with wine on the front porch!  She just left and now it’s almost midnight so I really should go to bed!  I’m terrible at putting myself to bed when Alan isn’t around.  I’m going to be tired tomorrow, but guess what, no alarm for me!  Whoo hoo!  We have one of Lex’s friends coming over to play, and one of my friends!  I haven’t seen Elizabeth in ages because our schedules just haven’t lined up this spring, so I’m excited to have her and Alistair come over to visit tomorrow as well.

Summer vacation is here!

NH

I got my teaching license from NH in the mail today!  My first inclination was to take a picture and post it on Facebook, but I restrained myself.  :)  Now I have to get one final paper notarized, then I can send the whole packet (NH license included) to VT and get my VT license.  Then we’re really in business!  :)  I was going to get the paper notarized after school today, but it was raining and I couldn’t find parking, so I didn’t.  I’ll do it Monday instead.  How’s that for dedication!  :)

It’s official – I’m a teacher!

Today was a beautiful example of the saying, “The days are long, but the years are short.”  It has been a long, tough at times year and suddenly it’s over.  Well, almost.  Tonight I graduated from UVEI and officially have my Elementary Teaching certification.  I’m certified to teacher K-8 in the great state of New Hampshire.  In the next week or so I’ll receive my license in the mail, then I’ll turn it around and get my VT license.  Then, maybe, I’ll get a job!

Seriously though, the year has flown by.  Fall in fifth, spring in kindergarten.  Both had their pros and cons, and both were great.  I miss my fifth grade buddies and I know I will miss the kindergarteners as well.  They gave me a sweet book today in which each kiddo had drawn a picture of me and them and written a sentence about what they like to do with me or how they will miss me.  It was very sweet and made me feel very happy and loved.  I have two more days with them and then we’re out for the summer.

This evening was the UVEI graduation ceremony.  Alan and the kids came along to continue their steady support of this effort.  They even put on nice cloths and washed their faces.  Hard work for some of them! :)  I put Alan and the kids in charge of photos and they did a great job.

wine

Everything is better with a glass of wine! :)

bff

My UVEI BFF! This is what we look like to the little ones we teach. :)

bitty

Eve and Bitty Baby, sharing a plate of veggies before the ceremony began.

ceremony

This is my faculty coach speaking and my coaching group. It was a great group and I really enjoyed working and learning with them this year.

aspirations

We put together a statement about what our aspirations for our students were, then had to read it at the graduation ceremony.

eve

This is what Eve thought of things.

family

I got my teaching certificate and a family photo. It was a good evening!

tag

Alan entertained the kids with a game of tag while I stood around in high heels and chatted with my friends. He’s a good hubby and daddy!

eve p2

Eve at her finest. :)

Back to school tomorrow for field day… most likely an indoor field day as the weather calls for rain, rain, and more rain.  Lex and Eve had their field day indoors today.

I feel like I should have some eloquent wrap-up for this post, but I don’t.  The culmination to my huge year and I’m off to drink a glass of wine and fold laundry.  Some things don’t change. :)

Oh, what a day!

I have had a very, very busy week! It’s my second solo week in kindergarten, though the first one I’ve actually had all five days. Tuesday night my friend from UVEI called to tell me what I’d missed that day, which apparently was a bump up on the due dates for a few big projects due. I know what’s due, but apparently it’s due two weeks sooner than I anticipated! On Wednesday morning I scheduled an interview for next Monday (yay!) which I’m not even remotely prepared for yet. But I’m trying to keep my eye on this week. This solo week. Which has had plenty of ups and downs, of course, and I’m pretty sure I’m learning more than the kiddos this week.

My school day ended on a high. As a UVEI project I wrote a kindergarten unit on neighborhoods and I’ve been teaching it this week. It culminated with the class building a neighborhood in the classroom out of paper, cardboard, wooden blocks, Legos, and more. They loved it!! We gave the other kindergarten a tour, a few teachers, and the principal even stopped by to visit our neighborhood. The kids were so excited!

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After school Lex and Eve had their first belt test! They were super excited and I found myself feeling very nervous for them. Eve gets silly when she’s nervous and Lex tends to cry, so I wasn’t sure at all what to expect from the afternoon. Turns out they are both rockstars and did awesome! They needed to ace three separate tasks to move up a full belt color, or there are stripe levels to move up partial belt colors. They had the option of doing the third task or not, but if they did it it had to be done solo, not with the group. Both of them chose to do it! I was so surprised and proud of them! They ended up moving from white to orange with a white stripe, which is one step below orange. The Sensi was proud of both of them for trying the third tasks and they did well with it, but not perfectly. However, they were THRILLED about their orange/white stripe belts. Absolutely thrilled! Eve said her heart was bursting with joy and she swore she had happy tears inside too. :) I did too!!

new belts

This video is nearly nine minutes long, but I suspect there are one or two of you out there who might be interested.

Busy Elves

We have been busy little elves around here. Each year in the past we’ve made holiday treats for the kids to share with their teachers and classmates. This year I wanted to do the same, plus my classes. I also wanted to give my students little goodbye/thank you gifts. Unfortunately between the three classes (1st, 3rd, and 5th) there are 86 kids and I have about zero available time. I also wanted to come up with a super awesome thank you gift for my mentor teacher, and a little some thing for the other four teachers on my team. I have been quite torn between wanting to be awesome and make everything perfect, and just wanting to sleep. I finally decided I have to let go of the idea of individual gifts for the students. There are just too many of them. I thought it would be fun to get my 5th graders a MadLibs book (fits in with my writing classes, grade level, fun and educational, etc), but at over $3/book and 48 students, and me having no income… well, that just didn’t make sense.

This week I found myself on a baking binge and tonight we pulled together a nice showing for tomorrow. I have a stack of MadLibs as a gift for my mentor teacher; an awesome CD (They Might Be Giants, “Here Comes Science”) for Lex’s teacher, Eve’s teacher, and my mentor teacher; and a plate of cookies for all of the relevant teachers and staff. I started with eleven plates (five on my team, three in Lex’s room, and three in Eve’s room), but then Eve decided she really wanted to bring treats to the specials teachers and a few other people so she made bags (she didn’t like the plates I was putting together!) of cookies for nine people, plus the eight Lex and I did. Cookies galore! Every night this week Alan came home to find more cookies. He must have thought I was losing my mind! :) All of the classes are having parties tomorrow so I’m going to send in plates of cookies for the students as well. We’ll be lucky if we have any left after that! I’ll have to do more baking this weekend. ;)

gingerbread

Decorating gingerbread cookies a few days ago. Here’s a question for you: How do you ruin perfectly good gingerbread cookies? Answer… let children decorate them! So much sugar and candy on such a perfectly nice cookie.

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Lex worked really hard on his designs this year. I think they came out so nice.

packing

We packaged up several of the cookies to send out in care packages today.

kisses

I got a bag of Hershey Kisses from BJs and Eve insisted on opening all of them. I made a triple batch of Peanut Butter Blossoms and we still had tons of kisses left. This evening we made the pretzel/kisses/m&ms treats. Eve asked how many to make and I said we would make them until we used up all the unwrapped Hershey Kisses. It ended up being 3 trays full!

eating

When I first asked the kids what we should do with all the extra unwrapped Hershey Kisses… this was their answer!

cookies

Lex and I started an assembly line cookie plate production. Eve came down later and threw her own kinks into the works, insisting on bagging hers, not using plates, and making an extra half dozen. How can I say no to sharing the cookie love! :)

Tomorrow is the last day before Christmas vacation. I believe every class will be watching movies and eating cookies. First and fifth have pyjama day and Lex is jealous that his class isn’t doing that. He’s happy that lots of “free choice time” was on the calendar for tomorrow though. Should be a fun day.

The downside to be a working mommy

Lex came into my classroom this afternoon looking a little peaked. I asked how he was doing and he said fine. His usual answer. I told him he didn’t look fine, and he said he was fine except for how his body felt. Poor guy. He clearly had a fever. I made him rest in the library while I went to a (interesting, but sad) parent meeting. When I got done (I only stayed for half an hour), I found him wandering around the library with his arms pulled into his shirt, shivering. We headed home. He perked up a bit over snack and spent most of the afternoon sitting at the table reading Calvin and Hobbes comics to me. After shower he snuggled with Alan and they watched a show. By the end he was clearly feverish again and barely moving. We gave him some Tylenol and put him to bed. If he’s still sick in the morning Alan is going to work from home, which is great, but really I want to be the one home with my sick boy. Is that selfish? I want to cuddle him and feel his forehead and make sure the world is gentle for him. Alan will do fine, I have no doubt, but I want to be there. Sigh. Just a minor downside to being a working mom. However, we are fortunate that the working dad has such a flexible schedule!

Praxis fun

In order to be a teacher in this great state I need to take (and pass!) the Praxis I and the Praxis II. Last spring I took the Praxis I as a requirement for admittance into UVEI. That went well enough and I passed it easily. Not too stressful… or maybe enough time has passed that I forgot the details. :)

I was planning to take the Praxis II next spring. My understanding of the test was that it was all about teaching and learning methodologies, learner development, classroom management, etc. That’s what the Kindle study guide I have led me to believe. Last month, however, after talking to a few people in my UVEI class, I got a little panicked. They said it was just more in-depth into the subject areas (reading, writing, and arithmetic), and it’s only offered every few months, and it’s four parts and challenging, and you don’t want to be job hunting before you take the exam, and and and… I panicked. In as much as I ever panic. :) So I signed up then went on a surprisingly difficult quest to find a study guide. All said and done, I ended up with about two and a half weeks to study. The book started by suggesting an eight week study plan. Ha! I could never study for anything for eight weeks!

So I crammed. I took the practice test in my book and did awful. I was hoping that would focus my area of study, but instead it just showed I needed to study everything! My dear family was wonderful and supportive as I read about ancient empires at breakfast, studied chemistry late into the night, and sent them all skating so I could relearn my American history. A classmate at UVEI yesterday told me about an online practice test site (that for some reason never came up in my Google searches!) so I took a practice test last night and did only marginally better. The site recommended I study more. :)

The big day came today and I was feeling overwhelmingly under-prepared. The test I took is actually a combined test, including a math test, a reading/language test, a science test, and a social studies test. Each test gets scored independently and each state has their own passing test score. I found the Vermont minimum scores and hoped for the best. A few deep breaths, a little mental psyching, and I began. Sadly I was stumped on the very first question and I felt like I stayed that way for most of the test. I even ran out of time on the math test and had to guess at the last few answers, with the final countdown clock flashing in my face. Ugh!

At the end, after you’ve completed all four tests, they show your scores on the screen. I took a deep breath and clicked the “Show scores” button, hoping for a least the 165 bare minimum I needed to pass. I was floored when I saw my scores! The first was 195!! All were over the minimum, with the closest being the math test I rushed through at the end.

scores

Passing scores in red, my scores in pencil.

I left the testing center thinking they must have changed the test and/or scores and not updated their website. There must be a problem. Maybe the computer was wrong. I don’t know. I felt like I did so awful, but the scores were so high!

Now I’m (not so) patiently waiting for the official test results to be posted. For some ridiculous reason they say it takes 12 days to post the scores online. The same scores they just showed me on the computer the minute I finished the test. Maybe there’s a good reason for the delay, I don’t know. The official scores will show the available score range, the average score range, and exactly what my scores are. Once I see that, I think I’ll believe it a little more. Boy will I cry if they changed the score ranges and my scores aren’t really that high!

The kids knew all about the test and that today was the big day. They gave me huge hugs and wished me luck when I left this morning. “Not just luck,” Lex said, “but the BEST of luck!” They took the bus home this afternoon, since I wasn’t at school, and when they got off the first thing they asked was how the test went. I told them I passed and they jumped around and yelled and celebrated with me. “That’s one step closer to being a teacher!” they said. I love when they count the steps for me. :)

Today marked the culmination of a few very hectic weeks at school and UVEI. Tomorrow I’m subbing, which is great classroom management experience without the stress of lesson planning, and Friday we have a district in-service day. That should be interesting. Certainly less stressful than today!